What am I doing?

I wonder what Im actually doing right now. Why am I treating myself like this, why am I treating him like this? Its only been around 50 or so minutes and its killing me. Not talking for one minute kills me. Everywhere I go, he's there. Whatever I do, I think of him. What do I really want. I really want to know myself. I miss him, so so much. I wish that I can tell him that. Fml I cant do anything 

Random

Finally I decided to go back to blogging. Been sooooooo long! Just finished my exams for the year totally winged it all. Now I'm on break, finally. This year had totally gone by so fast. So many wonderful and sad things had happened to me. But overall I gotta say this is a pretty damn good year. Life's going great nearly 7 months since we've been together happiest moments of my life. His birthday is coming up this week, hope I can organize something special for him. Then 7 months anniversary the next day. What a week. No plans for this holidays yet. Don't know what I should do. Prob workout, swimming, shopping, movies. hangout with JO and the girls. 


On Friday something happened to me. It was exactly like in a drama. The feeling of it happening was so ...yeah. For the first time he kneel down and tied my shoelaces! How adorable is that?! I was soo touched! Even teared a little. I know might be over exaggerating but hey, that's pretty romantic ya think. 


Okay Ill sum up what I did for the past week


Monday- Maths studies exam
Tuesday- free, so I went to pick up Joie from school
Wednesday- Psychology exam, totally aced it haha! Went swimming with Joie for the first time ;D
Thursday- Pick up Joie from school, had lunch 
Friday- Picked up Joie again then went to eat my favorite ice cream! Karaoke then dinner :)
Saturday- stayed home sleep in and yeah...Played games with Joie!
Sunday- blogging . 


I know what I'm writing is boring but hey at least I'm writing again. Cant wait to see Joie again, miss him soo much been 2 days.


Hilarious! Seeya :) 

Smiles & laughter

Yesterday is where for the first time I felt extremely happy. I have not been so happy like this ever since we started dating until now.  The moment where  both of us laughed and smiled each other I knew that this was happiness. For the first time I actually looked right in his eyes. The feeling was different from usual. I usually wouldn't stare in his eyes more than 1 second, cause it feels awkward. But somehow I knew it was the right moment to look at them. It was a really beautiful sight. I've noticed its always him who looks and stares at me. I think its time for a change. I want to treat him specially like how he treats me. I want to smile back at him when he smiles at me. I want to bring him happiness like how he brings happiness to me. I just want the moment to be right. I have not ever loved a guy so much in my life and I want to keep it that way until the world ends.  Thank you for everyone so far. Lets hold hands and continue our journey that awaits ahead...

Masks

Things seems like its slowly changing and I hate it.  Its hard to open up to others especially the one close to you. I 'm afraid to speak up at times because I know if I do, then I'll lose what means the most to me. The frustration that is captured inside of me is starting to ache. I want to cry and let it all out, but who will comfort me? I shall continue and live on. The mask that I wear shall be kept. The face that is hidden behind the mask shall not be seen by anyone. You'll never know what is really behind that layer.

Just Perfect

Haven't had time to blog latelly cause of exams and all. Well these are photos of things in life that makes me happy. There's not much to say, but I currently think that everything is " Just Perfect" :)

A meaning to life

You are my happiness...

Mason

Well everyone should know by know that I have a big obession with babies. Yes I love babies and love being around them. They bring a smile to my face when things arent going so well. Here is some pictures of the most cutest baby ever, Mason aka my son. I may seem creepy for having so many pictures of babies but I cant help but have them.

Hangover 2

Well this was our first official date ever since we started dating. After weeks of postponing we finally got to go out & watch Hangover 2 in which I have been excited about for the past couple of weeks. Maybe I had a very high expectation for this movie cause it turned out not to be that great. Have to say it was exactly like porn....jokes. It was pretty hilarious have to say but then Hangover was the best. Had to say the feeling of going to the movies with someone you love feels goddamn great!

Went to Nando’s for tea & both me and him are pretty bad with spicy food. Got a delicious BBQ mild burger with chips and it was pretty spicy. Pretending it wasn’t that spicy but inside it was pretty damn spicy. From afar it looked like I made him cry.  Later we had nothing to do so we both decided to walk to the Torrens. While walking towards the Torrens he was pretty amazed with the scenery in which he hasn’t seen before. He told me it reminded him of a bridge & randomly I said the London Bridge. He then asked

Joie: where’s that? New York right!

Mai: T____T London Bridge dear...London! hahaha!

Joie: Oh no shit! ^^

Have to say I love him soooo much! Cutest guy alive! We sat on the benches for a while as the sunset then suddenly Joie got amazed at the weirdest thing. He saw a black goose/swan swimming. Had to say it was pretty fat that goose/swan. He decided to call it Makkie. Our new pet. One month this Saturday time flies I tell ya. Hopefully I can get him something nice & go somewhere.

Love youuu soooo much Joie. Let’s make more memories....

21 Days

Thank you for everything during the past 21 days. You've made my life even more meaningful now. Thanks for being by my side & being the cutest boyfriend ever!

I LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCH JOIE OFRECIO! ♥

Ready for something new

The past stays in the past. Even though it may affect the future but then will it make much difference? Many things happened today. Truth revealed and everything. May be shocking at first but it’s something you have to accept. But then were we 100% truthful the whole time?  Things may change but then we will be there for each other. You can say life is fucked up at the moment but then time is going to make it fade. I don’t want any of this to interfere with anything at all. As long as we’re both truthful with each other that’s what matters the most.

Finally made my decision and I’m going to go for it because I know it’s going to be different .I’m grateful that this person appeared in my life. Someone who I can seek help from and will always be there to comfort me. I think I’m ready for you. Make this moment a perfect one.

Hope your different...

Suprises suprises

Well today so much happened. Things that I thought would never happen happened. Life is so unexpected I have to say. Like I told myself May is the start in the new chapter in my life. May 1^st sure started out pretty wacko. Life please don’t get any harder than it is now. God please give me an answer and a solution to this now.

Thanks love you lots Mai xx 

Fast & Furious 5

Well today I finally got to watch FAST & FURIOUS  5!!!! It was an awesome movie, a must be seen movie as my friends say. Practically had the cinema to our self hardly anyone went. Paul Walker * drools* even though he’s 38 but god damn HE’S HOTTTT!!! Kim and I kinda finished the popcorn before the movie started next time gotta resist . Awkwardly waiting for my friends to come I stood there like a freak as people walked by. Had to say it was an awkward moment,  because from far it looked like I was hugging the pole haha.

It was suppose to be a 3 person movie session today but then Lisa rocked up like 2 hours later there goes our plan but then she joined afterwards for dinner. Had a scrumptious meal at Cafe Primo with my BBFL and Lisa, while eating I noticed this cute waiter dayummm he was cute, but too short. I prefer tall -ish guys.  As he came by to drop off Lisa’s juice without realising it I started to smile awkwardly. Think I’m turning back to my old self, been a while since I played around like this. Oh gawd I was craving for prawns all day finally I ordered a Seafood Platter it was nice at first but then got a bit sickening afterwards. But then the prawns on Lisa’s plate look much nicer.

There I spent my day drooling over Paul Walker and that unknown waiter.

An ending to everything

Well it has been over a week since everything happened. Friday was the start of my new life. For the past week I have been trapped in the past not being able to see the light. Crying countless times, I had to say it was the hardest week of my life. For the last time, I tried again but then as expected the same answer was given. His reply was ‘It’s getting repetitive’ that’s when I noticed, it sure was. I didn’t know what was wrong with me at that time seriously. When he said that I felt terrible, knowing that he doesn’t want me to bother him anymore. So I finally let go and moved on. Declaring it on Facebook that I have officially moved on and striving for something new. But what’s funny is that he laughed at it and mocked me. Is there something funny about telling him that I’ve moved on? Can’t believe how much a person can change over a week time. I still had the respect for him during that week, but after knowing his true self tsk I dont think I can ever respect someone like that again. BUT! That’s the past. Whatever happened in the past stays in the past. A quote that I found meaningful on tumblr.

“An ex should stay an EX. They’re an EXample of the wrong love & an EXplanation for why you deserve better! ” prettypilpina of tumblr

If I understood or saw this message as soon as I broke up then I would had never attempted to ask him anything. I wouldn’t have cried over him or anything at all. Should have moved on and not look back. But then I saw this quote soon after...

“If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.” – Johnny Depp

When I read this quote something just sparked me. Does this have some meaning to me? It then made me confused about my decision that I’ve made in early March. Was it him that I was supposed to be with or was it someone else nearby. At times I wonder if I did not choose him and went for someone else how would I be right now.  But people make mistakes not once but many times. Humans are designed to make mistakes and learn from then in order to fit into society. From this relationship I learnt not to trust the other person too much because one day they will turn their back on you. “Don’t fall too deep” as one of my friends had told me because one day you will find yourself too deep in which you can’t escape.

That’s all in the past now and I can learn from it. May is going to start the new chapter in my life in which I try to avoid as many mistakes as possible. I’m going to find the right love of my life and not regret like this time. Make the most of the time that there is left in this world.

This is going to be the last post about this person ever. A wrap up of this persons importance in my life and signficance.Now its time for me to move on and be with someone I should of been with right at the beginning.

Bye past and welcome future

Taking risks

I had so many words but no courage. If I did had courage to say what I wanted to say yesterday then it may have an impact on today. I would have to say that I am a girl with great pride but in which today I had to throw away in order to get what I want. But in the end I didn’t get what I wanted. If it wasn’t for yesterday I would never had second thoughts honestly. All night I was not able to sleep, my heart and mind ached. The tears ran down my cheeks as I thought about everything we went through together. It hurts to know that we will never be able to return to where we were before. Even though I told him to move on countless times but in the end I couldn’t myself.

Women are soft hearted. We are foolish, but then we do learn from our mistakes. Not until today that I realised how foolish and stupid I was. Not respecting my own pride I pushed it aside and in the end I embarrassed myself. But that’s life for ya. Taking risks even though you know that you may fail, but it’s always worth a try. It doesn’t hurt to try. Like I told him, do what you think is right even though you know you might get rejected. Never be scared to strive for what you want and need most. That’s the determination I have. I have to say that you’re selfish; that you never gave me the chance to try when I gave you a chance to change your mind. That’s what hurts me the most that you never gave me time to change your mind.

I had a lot of reasons to give up on you but I still chose to stay. You had a lot of reasons to stay, but you chose to give up.

Therefore be careful to whom you give your heart because when you give your heart to someone, you’re not only giving that person the right to love you but also the power to hurt you.



Goodbye my love...

Happiest decision

So today I have to say victory was mine. After stressing about it all week I finally had the courage and ended the realtionship with him and let go. For the past month I thought life couldn’t get any more special than this. The smile he brought to my face brightens up my world a little bit more. I was glad that he was there when I needed him. The memories that we created together will be kept within our hearts for the rest of our life. I had fun and so did he. I hope I gave him enough experience in which he knows to treat his next lover better. From this relationship I hope he learnt to be more mature about a relationship rather than being unsure most of the time. Decide what you want, what you need is what’s important.  Like you said, I deserve someone better. Someone whose heart will not change over like one second. Someone who wouldn’t make me cry and break my heart. At the beginning I thought that you would’ve been that person that I’ve been searching for. But guess it was a mistake. To be honest Ionced loved you so dearly.Like some people say first love doesn’t last... 

Thanks for the adventure now go and enjoy yours

For my girls out there, I am truly thankful for all the time you spared for me and listened to my problems throughout the month. Thank you for being there for me the whole time when I struggled to move on. Mostly I want to thank Kim for being there throughout my good and bad. I love you sooooo much my dear friend. Oh had the best strawberry and cream cake today which KIM! bought for me thankyouu it was delicious and filled me with love that I needed.

 Now it’s time for me to move on and find my Mr right who is waiting for me out there!

Game on brah! :D



Changes

Things seem to be getting harder for me. It’s so hard to hold onto those tears anymore. When that person is near I can help it but release all my sadness towards them. Walking side by side I can feel the distance between us. The awkward silence which kills the mood, I hated it. I really do. Not being able to face and smile like usual made me feel and wonder why it’s happening. Why things are the way it is now and why it had to change. Weren’t we normal just not long ago? It’s so sudden, hard to accept the truth right now.

At times I wonder why you comfort me, when I cry or feeling blue.  Why do you hold me and tell me it’s going to be okay? I rather not receive that from you, honestly. It hurts even more. My body tells me that I can’t take much more or else I’m going to lose it. I’m just too weak now to handle anymore of this. I just want a definite answer. So please…I earnestly ask you to make your choice now and don’t hurt me any longer.

Life is unexpected

Today I have to say would be a very gloomy day for me. A lot of things went through my mind today.  The problems that aroused confused me and made me a worry. Everyone thought that it was just me overreacting about it, but it was what I had expected. I wonder what goes through that certain person’s mind at times. I wonder where my presence is and how much I mean to them.  At the start I thought and hoped that our path will be a very long lovely path in which we can walk together over a long period of time. But now our path  ahead seems to be unclear and dark.

No one meant so much to me before, have to say it’s the first time I ever felt like this in my life. The happiness that certain individual brings to my life and day. The sun seems to be sunnier as that person is around. Their smile brightens up my gloomy day. But I don’t receive that smile like I did before anymore. I’m frightened of what’s coming. At times I want to avoid the truth but it’s too hard. Hope tonight allows the person to think through what  they really wants and need from me. Even how mad and frustrated I get, I still love that person dearly. Hope they feel the same too. I really miss you . Promise to be there by your side whenever you need. Hope our future is going to be happy and loving everyday

 I L O V E Y O U .......♥

Fantasy vs Reality

For the past few days I have been on a search finding the right book to read in order to improve my vocabulary. Thanks to Thanh ( Lindah) I have found it. I highly recommend everyone to read  Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side by  Beth Fantaskey ♥ ♥ ♥

Even though I only started reading this today but it is soooooo interesting! The main guy Lucius Vladescu reminds me of Thanh so much. Their personality seems to similar as they are both posh with looks and personality. I hope that I will finish this book by Sunday * fingers crossed*  READ IT READ IT : )


The most embarrassing thing happened today as I ducked my head down on the bus because I saw someone unexpected. Instead of hiding away in a girly manner, I banged my hip onto the pole and now I have a massive bruise. Hurts like a bitch! I think the weather made me weirder. After school caught the bus home and bloody hell these two viet fobs got on and talked viet nonstop drove me insane. Literally, not going on that bus again!

Can’t wait until tomorrow YAY! It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday.
Gonna get ice cream after school with Kimmy.  Finally the week is coming to an end and then one more week of school and we’re on holidays. EASSTER! Eggs yum yum....my friends who are reading this I’m expecting something good this Easter * hint hint ,Kim * Been planning out what I want to do with my girlfriends on the holidays, wonder if we even end up doing all the things we said. Hope it’s going to be a carefree and enjoyable holiday.

Okay gonna end this post with a song that Kim and I is going to be using for our presentation next week. Heaven- DJ Sammy 911 remix a song in which you can understand the importance of your loved ones.

Enjoy! Bye bye   



The Start.

Hi there!
This is my first post ever. Ever since I deactivated my Facebook for various of reasons, I have came to a conclusion where I am now going to offically blog about my life and how interesting(?) it is.  Got to see my boyfriend as usual this morning but then after he left for school it seemed like I miss him more and more. We dont get to see each other as much, only about 30 minutes in the morning when he walks me to school with his friends.I'm still glad that I get to see him everyday nearly...he's prob is reading this now

I LOVE YOU RR ♥ 

Well yeah at school today it felt like the day would never end. Cant wait until tomorrow arrives. Its our one month this Sunday and I'm really looking forward to it. Even though we've been 'seeing' each other for months but this is going to be our offical  month  :) Took us a while though.  Hope I'm allowed to go out this weekend ,if not it's going to be terrrible.
Offically went to my first Formal last Friday. As soon as I arrived to school all the girls would run up to me and ask " Oh How was it?!" Didnt say much to them cause to be honest it wasnt that great.Got to go to my first formal with someone i like so much and with friends that I know well. I could say it wasnt so bad. Danced the night away with the girls singing random songs that played. The food was sooooooooooo crap! Only thing that tasted good was the bread and of course COKE :D Worst formal pictures ever! Hate the photographer like hell. Even I can take better pictures than that! geeezzz not gonna take any photos at the next formal.

Anways after school was hectic went around town to wait for my mum to pick me up and she rocks up one hour late! Got home around 5:30 and now im up writing this blog instead of revising for me physics formative test tomorrow.

Going to wrap it up now today I got a suprise from Tommy my little buddy who dedicated his love to me through singing "Just the Way you Are" Cutest Kid EVER! my boyfriend so jealous of this guy :p He made my day much happier today.

watch it and enjoy :)

Formal

The night had  finally came....

Christian Brothers College Formal 2011

                                                                  fail group pic lol

                                                                                  'A!'

                                                                      Me & Roeland ♥

                                                                      Jemima & Mai

Pietro & Chloe . Cute :D

 Alan & Joiee

 my awesome pic ♥

Went to Grand Stamford Hotel, enjoyed our Formal night together as a group. :)