What am I doing?

I wonder what Im actually doing right now. Why am I treating myself like this, why am I treating him like this? Its only been around 50 or so minutes and its killing me. Not talking for one minute kills me. Everywhere I go, he's there. Whatever I do, I think of him. What do I really want. I really want to know myself. I miss him, so so much. I wish that I can tell him that. Fml I cant do anything